V.'s Story: Part 2

Snowflake V. is now nearing her third birthday which in school terms means she will be growing out of Early Intervention and will still be needing some services from the public schools.  There was going to be a meeting with parents, Early Intervention and members of the school department.  At this point she was receiving speech, physical therapy and occupational therapy as well as toddler group and feeding group.  I know looking back that's a pretty busy schedule for a little person. 
What was the next plan of action before the meeting?  Snowflake V. was evaluated by a variety of people (psychological, physcal therapy, speech etc.) from the school department who wrote up their reports and sent me a copy with their recommendations. With reports in hand from the school department and a team of
Early Intervention people our family was ready for battle.  I say ready for a battle because these meetings can get heated.  Early Intervention, the people who did the evaluations from the school department and the school department and coordiantor who makes the final decision were all present aand surprisingly it turned out better than we thought. The meeting went as smoothly as it could with the conclusion being that Snowflake V. would receive services for speech, physical therapy and occupational therapy for sensory issues.  She would also receive classroom placement.  Which meant she qualified for an integrated classroom.  It's a smaller class size with children who all have an Invdividualized Education Plan (IEP). 

At the time I thought great she gets classroom placement and gets all her services.  Little did I know at the time.  We looked at two classrooms, met the teachers and picked the one that best matched Snowflake V.  Snowflake V. would be in a classroom in the fall at age 3.

Yes that's right in the fall my 3 year old went  to school half day 5 days a week.  She was in a classroom with 2 teachers and 8 children all of whom she didn't know She would also be pulled out of class 3 times a week for speech, physical therapy and occupational.  I know looking back what was I thinking? I thought I was making the right decision.  My only reservation about Snowflake being away from me is that her speech was delayed.

I'm going to go off track for a minute here away from school stuff.  When I say delayed I mean unable to understand a single word that my little girl was saying.  There were only a couple of words we did understand but for the most part communication was a problem.  Her speech patterns were so inconsistent that even her siblings didn't understand her.  Usually a child has ways of communicating that older siblings know what the younger child wants but this was not the case.  We weren't the type of family that knew what she wanted before she asked or point it out and we would get it for her. There was about 3 years worth of guessing my child's language and this is how we communicated.  And what did I do?  Send her off to school.
After her first speech session the speech pathologist asked me if anyone has ever mentioned if Snowflake V. has Apraxia?  Uhm nope I would have remembered a word or diagnosis like that.  Home I went to  did to research on Apraxia.  When I read it  I learned that children who have apraxia have no problem understanding language it's their expressive language that makes it difficult for everyone around them to understand.  The brain is able to put together the thoughts and ideas what the child wants to say but when it sends the message to the mouth, jaw and toungue the syllables get mixed up which becomes with ariculation.  The explaination can be found here. I thought finally someone gets it this and it totally explains Snowflake's V.'s speech.  Of all the things she has been through this is the only diagnosis we have ever found and nothing else.  After learning this and reading what needs to be done with speech and occupational therapy I thought great she is in the right place getting the help she needs.  
As the school was progressing she was doing quite well.  Well liked by all her teachers and classmates. Going with the flow of the day and the classroom rules.  There was definite struggle with communication but everything was going smoothly till about November.  Her teacher was in car accident that left her with a hand injury unable to return to work till May.  This should have been a clue on my part to pull her out some time during the school year.  It was a rocky road of substitutue teachers changing every couple of months that by May when her teacher returned from her leave she had a classrom of angry and inconsistent children. Can you blame the kids for their behavior?  No.  Poor things are already here in school with their IEP's and services and what do they get  inconsitent and changing teachers.  I'd be angry and confused too.  I was picking up a child everyday for half the year looking exhausted.

Now you would think I would have learned something at the point but I didn't.  Looking back I cringe especially at what I did next.  At the end of the year we had another meeting with her teachers and the coordinators for the public shcool and we all agreed to continue services and classroom placement for the next school year.  Yes that's right she was going back to school in the fall at age 4. 
The next school year was more consistent for her but I was till picking up a tired 4 year old.  I thought the school was going well. She was good friends with the only other girl in the class and knew her routine. 
But this year was more of a time of observation and reflection for me.  With all the school, teachers and services how much progress was she really making? Why was she in school that long starting out at such a young age.  The most progress I have ever seen had occurred mostly in the summer.  Progress during the school year was slow sometimes challenging.  It just didn't add.up.  We understood about 25 words and a few unclear sentences. 

By this point she is 4 years old and more than half into the school year. Thoughts of school and homeschooling popped into my head.  I decided to leave all options open before making a final decision.  In January I submitted an application for placement at my older 2 kids charter school.  Ok so there was a placement for her there, but in the back of my mind I was thinking that's not a good match.  Before the end of the school year we had our annual meeting and concluded that she would continue sevices and was offered classroom placement kindergarten. 

Off  I  went to check out the classrooms and  I was not impressed.  Once again in the back of my mind I was thinking that's not a good match.  So what was a good match? I thought back to when she was much younger and always knew this child would be the one to challenge our decisions about education.  By this point I was dancing around in my head the idea of homeschooling Snowflake V.  I had conversations with my husband and a friend who homeschools her children.  Her question was "what would be so bad about having her stay home with you next year?"  I'm thinking in my head uhm nothing she would be home with me.
At this point I was fed up of therapists, teachers, outside sources and school that were interfering with my relationship with Snowflake.  She was the only child at the time that I knew the least about.  We already had communication problems.  I didn't know all her thoughts and feelings or anything about here.  From early on we got so much help that it didn't make dramatic progress.  The efforts didn't equal end results.  I thought I could have been doing more of that myself. 

The conclusion was withdraw from all classrooms for the following school year and keep only speech and physical therapy services which I would driver her to.  There were no other activities just staying home with me and her two younger siblings and getting to know her and catching up on some chats.
 
Now I had given this a lot of thought and observed quite a bit and our decision was final but not well received.  I received an outpouring show of opposition.  Here I am her mother and everyone has the nerve to question me and clearly display their lack of confidence in having Snowflake V. at home with me.  There were the looks of bewilderment and confusion.  Feelings of uneasiness from everyone else.  I was perfectly confident in being at home with my little girl.  I made the decision quickly at the very end of the year.

What didn't help is that I didn't give very much explaination about our decision.   I didn't think I needed to. Anyway whose child is this anyway?  I was  polite never rude.  To the teachers that showed geniune concern I reassured them and briefly shared my feelings.  To the ones that were short or confused well they got a very short answer.  I was especially irked by one particular therapist when she challenged me in a short moment with this "Well you know she has had a taste of school?"  I politely responded and wished her well and moved on.  Inside I was thinking oh yeah well now she needs a taste of the home life.   

After all that I thanked all that were part of Snowflakes's life for the past two years and what they meant to her.  I thanked those that were supportive and patient. I am grateful even today for some of these individuals that continue their hard work in early intervention and  the school system because they are only individuals trying their best for the children that come into their lives. To me these particular individuals don't represent the system they are in, they have their own struggles with the system.  As for me I was ready to move on with Snowflake V. at home.